It hit me today

It hit me today when I was reading another blog and saw a picture of a child blowing out candles on a cake. And even though I have a classroom full of kids taking their exam right now, I am shoving tears out of the way as fast as I can. This is your very last day of being an 11 month old. 11 months and 6 days, actually. A year ago today Daddy and I went to church and then out for brunch. We were so excited. So scared. Daddy said he was ready even though he admitted he didn't know what he was ready for. Now we know there is now way you will ever be ready. Ready for the sleepless nights, constant fear about EVERYTHING, the first smile that makes you want to get down on your knees and thank God, the first laugh, crawl, step..oh..no..new parents have no idea how much their world is going to get rocked :)

After getting another ear infection last week, you and I spent a lot of time cuddling and hugging between 1 and 5 a.m. And though I would never ever want you to be sick, I love that you dig your little toes into my side to try and crawl up to get that much closer to me. Because you need me. Because I make you feel better. Because I am your mom. I spent a lot of time taking your temperature, feeling your head, back, tummy, hands... I spent a lot of time just looking at you. You are so long and look so much older... I remember putting you in your crib as a newborn and it looked it so silly. The crib was SO big and you were SO small. Now you take up over half of it and sometimes sleep across the bed so your legs hang out the side. But you don't get stuck. Nope. You are too smart. You just curl your legs in and flip. Easy.

But it isn't easy for me. Every milestone has been so exciting but I wish I could just have one more newborn day back. I will gladly nurse you every two hours and live off of an hour of sleep just to feel that delicate, wrinkly skin, and smell that warm milky breath. And your head. Oh so delicious. Made straight from heaven and smelling like pure goodness. MMmmmm. I get chills just thinking about it. And that baby cry - that soft whisper that called to all depths of my soul - I would like to hear that again. Don't get me wrong, I love every inch of you right now and you still have a lot of "babyness" left...but that newborn stage is just so ....new..... and only lasts for a few weeks. And that was a year ago, tomorrow. Tomorrow. Oh my goodness.

I feel like I am going to wake up tomorrow to a teenager. Life really does go that fast.

love, mom