Mommyhood

So I will admit that this post is going to be a little more about me tonight and not so much about you. Why? Because you are fine, you made it through the Urgent Care center without one tear hitting the floor, your cut is healing, and you are still throwing tantrums, throwing balls, and diving off the couch. But me, I am wounded. I will heal soon. For now though, I need to tell you that Mommyhood is tough.

After a LONG day at work I picked you up from daycare ready for some hugs and kisses, you know, my medicine. But you were grumpy. You threw a temper tantrum in the kitchen because you wanted to go outside. When we got outside you threw a temper tantrum in the driveway because you wanted another cracker. I scooped you up and carried you to the car (cracker in my hand because I am a softie). As I opened the door, you threw yourself to the side (temper tantrum because you didnt want to get into the carseat) and cut your eyebrow on the car door. I didnt know it at first, but when you started the silent cry I grabbed you instantly to survey the damage. Blood. My insides flip and panic rushes in. I want to throw up. My sweet, tiny, precious boy that I have loved and protected for the last 27 months (inside and outside of my body) is BLEEDING. He's going to need stitches. He's going to have a scar and ruin that perfect face. He's going to have a scar because I wasnt holding him tight enough during his tantrum. It's my fault. I get you into your carseat and hug you and kiss you. You feel the blood drip and try to wipe it away. It stings and you cry. I hug and kiss you more and say, "I'm sorry" over and over and over again. I get into my seat and start to drive to Urgent Care. I do my own silent cry all the way there. Then I call your dad and can barely speak. Owen. Cut. Blood. Stitches.

The good news is that Dr. Bliss said you didnt have a complete cut so he could just use glue. We were only there for 45 minutes and you ran around the hallways smiling and laughing. Dr. Bliss commented on how tough you were and I wish I could have been that tough. But we made it. I thought clearly and got you to where we needed to go. I didnt cry once we got out of the car. I tried to be tough too. It was so hard because I love you and I never ever ever want to see you hurt. Mommyhood isn't all about taking pictures, rolling a ball back and forth, and bath time. There are tough parts too. We made it through though and I know there will be MANY more. I won't say I'll be ready because I don't think a Mom is ever ready to watch her baby hurt, but I will be prepared to be strong for you :) And by the way, if you could stop jumping off the couch that might help us stay out of the Urgent Care center for awhile.

love you.

xoxoxoxo