Dread

This is the kind of post I dread writing. It is the one that I can barely see the keyboard because the tears just won't stop pouring down. I have to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to go. I don't want to miss our mornings routine of singing songs over cereal. I don't want you to miss me when you have an afternoon popsicle and I'm not there to cheers you back my stick too. I don't want to teach kids that don't like me when my own son kisses me like its his job.

Sometime I will write about the importance of big life stuff and financial security and I'll use big words so you understand how important education is as well as having a job that makes you happy. But tonight I just want to tell you I don't want to work. Right now I would be happy living in a shack with no air conditioning and rats. Seriously, just be YOU and I'm happy. I'm fulfilled. You are the most amazing little boy I have ever met and I don't want to miss a second of that amazingness. I know in other posts about leaving you I have said that "its not right" and I still feel that way. I love staying at home with you and finding new adventures with you. I know I am a good teacher but I am a better mom! It isnt fair!!! Maybe Daddy can write to you about life not being fair sometimes too...

Just know that I will miss you ever single second. That I will be talking about you to everyone and laughing about the way you say "chi-in" (chicken) and "owsigh" (outside). I will share stories of "Mommy's turn" and "Mommy fun" and watch all the silly videos we made.

I know we still get to have fun, Owen. Its just that I will miss having fun withg you ALL day. So you go have fun with your friends, I will go to work out of financial obligation, and then when we get home you better be ready for "Silly Mommy"!

xoxoxoxoxo